“Many are the devices of man, but the counsel of the Lord; that shall stand.” Proverbs 19:21
One of the more controversial issues today is the subject of counsel. It is estimated that nearly 85% of all counseling deals directly with the issues of marriage and relationships in general.
There are three specific areas related to counsel:
- Why do we need counsel
- Who should give us counsel
- How should counsel be given
Who should give us counsel?
Another very controversial subject facing fathers today centers around the question, “Who should give us counsel?” Today, counseling is qualified by certification, professional association and program affiliation.
God has much to say about the subject of counsel, and this is where we should look for guidance first!
- Who should give us counsel? The Lord Himself and His word, the Bible:
Many are the devices of man, but the counsel of the Lord; that shall stand. Proverbs 19:21
For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. Romans 15:4
Trusting God to give us counsel may seem too simplistic in a culture that has become refined in it’s scholarly view of counsel. And yet, God Himself declares that He is the source of our need for counsel. The Lord qualifies the form of counsel offered – His own word, the Bible.
The benefit of turning to the Lord and His word at the beginning is “hope!” (see Romans 15:4)
- Who should give us counsel? Believers only:
Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. Psalm 1:1
A huge problem has developed within the Christian church – the receiving of counsel from ungodly sources. God has much to say about this matter and fathers would do well to heed His warnings.
The thoughts of the righteous are right: but the counsels of the wicked are deceit. Proverbs 12:5
Sources of wicked counsel… (written or hosted by unbelievers)
- talk shows and soap operas
- Internet social sites and blogs
- newsfeeds and newspapers
- novels and magazines
- television and movies
- music
Over the years, many individuals, families, marriages, churches, organizations, companies and nations have suffered because of ungodly counsel given! Fathers should be very wary of complacency in the matter of sources of counsel. Sadly, many fathers are oblivious to the subtle messages of deceit offered within the context of an article written, an opinion given, a movie watched or a song rendered by an unbeliever.
God is very straightforward about his view of ungodly counsel… deceit. The Lord’s statement will be viewed as derogatory to those who practice the “art of counsel” from a worldly perspective, but Christians are to heed His warning anyway.
- Who should give us counsel? Believers who are filled with goodness and knowledge.
And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another. Romans 15:14
God admonishes all believers to receive counsel from those fellow believers who are full of “goodness and filled with all knowledge.” Not all believers are able to give this type of counsel – they may have spiritual battles themselves. They may be in the middle of personal vexation. They may have another agenda or not possessing a solid understanding of the oracles of God.
When seeking counsel, be careful who you receive counsel from – even from within the body of Christ!
True biblical counseling is often times confrontational more than therapeutic in approach.
Worldly counsel address a person’s self-need by consoling. Unfortunately, the one being counseled seems to never get over what is ailing them, for they remain a victim of their circumstances. As soon as one episode is dealt with, another arises.
Biblical counsel is given with love and the wise application of the word of God, from the Lord’s view of a matter!
- Who should give us counsel? Believers who are filled with God’s wisdom.
Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom; that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus: Colossians 1:28
The one who is filled with goodness and all knowledge (referring to an understanding of God’s view about a matter based on scripture) will lovingly confront a person head on! God created us according to his wisdom and understanding – and knows exactly what ails each of us. He deals with matters of the heart and will – man’s sin nature.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. Colossians 3:16
- Who should give us counsel? Believers who are filled with that spiritual gift.
Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith… Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation. Romans 12:4-8
Note: “Exhortation” is the same word used for counsel. If you have the spiritual gift of counseling – you should use it! The qualifications for counseling others, according to God, is to have that gift called “exhortation.”
This may seem a very sore contention for those who have invested a lot of time, energy and money in getting a formal education in order to obtain certification as a counselor. But, believers who are equipped by the Holy Spirit, filled with goodness and understanding and walk accordingly, are best able to counsel another believer!
- Who should give us counsel? Believers who have a “fathers heart.”
I write not these things to shame you, but as my beloved sons I warn (counsel) you. For though ye have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet have ye not many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel. Wherefore I beseech you, be ye followers of me. I Corinthians 4:14-16
One of the characteristics of a goodly counselor – is the one who has a “fathers heart.” The writer of the above passage emphasizes the uniqueness of relationship between he and the ones in who he writes too. The writer calls them, “my beloved sons” and himself, their father who has begotten them through the Gospel.
Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblamably we behaved ourselves among you that believe: As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory. I Thessalonians 2:10-12
Who should give us counsel? That person who possesses the attributes of a loving father; filled with goodness, knowledge and having the ability to lovingly admonish the one needing counsel from the word of God.
Who should give us counsel? That person who is able to correctly warn according to the word of God – from God’s perspective (lovingly confrontational vs. a worldly consoling only).
Who should give us counsel? That person who has been obviously gifted by the Holy Spirit, is able to use psalms, hymns and spiritual songs from the melody of one’s heart, and is apt to teach with wisdom and grace in their heart for th
e one needing help.
Who should give us counsel? That person who is seasoned by life – an older believer with a fathers heart – who can sense and see a situation through the wisdom gained over years of time by adversity.
This is not to say that a young person remains incapable of giving solid counsel. But, an older believer has a richer resource of wisdom through the years of learning to apply God’s instruction to his own life – and is better able to apply that wisdom with a truly “fathers heart” of understanding.
As we journey along the road of “Fathering Your Family”, I will introduce another aspect of counsel…
How should counsel be given?
- William Bateman
